


We Need to Talk

by didntwanderstillgotlost



Series: AU Where They Learned How to Translate Their Thoughts into Words Like Adult Humans [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Coda, Episode: s15e07 Last Call, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didntwanderstillgotlost/pseuds/didntwanderstillgotlost
Summary: I extended the ending of the episode because Dean and Cas definitely had a conversation when they were alone
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: AU Where They Learned How to Translate Their Thoughts into Words Like Adult Humans [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571155
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	We Need to Talk

**Author's Note:**

> I extended the ending of the episode because Dean and Cas definitely had a conversation when they were alone

Dean stared at Cas’s closed door. He knew the angel was in there. He knew they had to talk. He had been standing there for damn near twenty minutes, trying to muster up the courage to knock. He knew he was being ridiculous, but at the same time, he really wasn’t. Even with his failing grace, Cas could easily kick his ass if he was angry enough. It was that knowledge that was keeping Dean’s feet firmly planted outside the angel’s door.

_This is ridiculous. He’s not gonna hurt you. You’re family._ Whether Dean actually believed that or not, it was enough to get him to finally knock. He waited a full two minutes before he knocked again. When he was met with silence for a second time he sighed.

“Come on, Cas. We need to talk.” Dean cringed at his own words. He sounded like a chick. He was once again met with silence. That pissed him off. He didn’t talk about thing, but he was trying to make an effort and Cas wouldn’t give an inch. He beat on the door. “Come on, Cas! Stop being a dick!” The door swung open and Dean had to jump back to avoid being run over by a rather wrathful-looking angel. He grabbed Cas’s arm as he stormed by. Cas jerked away and kept walking.

“Cas, wait!” Cas didn’t slow even for a second. Dean finally caught up with him in the library. “Cas, stop!”

“Why?!” Cas snapped, whipping around. His eyes were glowing with just the faintest hint of grace. Dean held up his hands and took a step back.

“I just wanted to apologize.” Cas folded his arms over his chest.

“For what?”

“Everything. For saying you were dead to me. For blaming you for what happened with Jack. For forcing you to work with Belphagor when you told me you could barely look at him. For ignoring you when you tried to talk to me about your failing grace. For saying that everything was always your fault. I’m sorry, Cas. I know it probably doesn’t mean anything, but I am sorry. I had no right to ever make you feel unwanted. I’m sorry I made you feel like I don’t care. I do. You and Sam are just about the only thing I care about anymore. I wish there was something I could do to prove that to you.”

“So do I,” Cas said. “I believe that you’re sorry, but I don’t trust you anymore, Dean. I don’t know if I ever will, and that’s why I can’t be here. Sam convinced me that one night wouldn’t hurt, but he was wrong.” Cas paused to drop his eyes to the floor and shove his hands into the pockets of his trench coat. “I can’t be around you, Dean.”

“Why not?” Dean was fairly certain he didn’t _want_ to know the answer, but he _needed_ to know. He needed to hear the angel say it.

“Because I’ll forgive you. I’ll forgive you just like every other time we’ve been through this and I’ll convince myself that you won’t hurt me again, but you will. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep holding on to some false hope that things will be different. You are a great man, Dean Winchester, but I can’t do this anymore.” Dean expected Cas to talk away, but he didn’t, and that was so much worse because it meant he could see the silent tears running down the angel’s face. Dean was barely holding it together himself and seeing Cas like that broke him.

“You once told me that everyone would leave me except for you,” Dean said quietly as a tear slipped down his cheek. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know this is my own stupid fault for pushing you away when I needed you the most. I’m sorry, Castiel.” Dean turned and walked away. If their original fight hadn’t been a breakup, that definitely was. _How do you break up with someone you weren’t even dating?_ Dean asked himself bitterly. He slammed his bedroom door shut and curled up on his bed. He drank himself to sleep that night, the mixtape he’d made for Cas playing on endless repeat.

* * *

That pattern of behavior continued for three weeks. Dean didn’t leave his room at all. He slept, drank, vomited more than a few times, then repeated the process. He didn’t eat. He kept his door locked and didn’t say anything when Sam demanded to know if he was still alive. He would make some sort of noise though, so that his brother didn’t pick the lock or break down the door. At the beginning of the fourth week, Dean was startled out of a broken sleep by the telltale flapping of wings. He blinked hazily.

“Cas?” He asked, not sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him.

“Dean, what are you doing?”

“Coping. What’s it to you?” He buried his face in his pillow and closed his eyes. There was a beat of silence and then he felt the bed dip. Then there was a hand on his back.

“Dean, I didn’t mean…this isn’t a healthy way to cope.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t care, so go away.”

“I never said I didn’t care. Of course I care about you.”

“Go away, Cas. Leave me alone.” Cas gently ran his hand up and down Dean’s back. A few seconds later Dean was completely sober and felt better than he had in weeks. Physically anyway. He rolled over. “Did you use your grace on me?” Cas nodded. “Why? You have more important shit to do than fix my hangover.” Cas’s expression was soft and Dean’s heart did that little fluttering thing it always did when Cas looked at him like that.

“Dean, I could hear you praying.”

“I wasn’t praying.”

“Just talking to me is praying. I could hear you. I was trying to ignore you, but…I thought you might hurt yourself. Then Sam called me. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m not. You can leave.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You have every right to hate me. I screwed this up and I’m dealing with it the only way I know how.”

“I don’t hate you. I was mad at you. You’ve hurt me so many times and I just can’t handle any more. I know you don’t mean to. You lash out at people you’re close to when you’re angry or scared. But lately you’ve been taking _everything_ out on me and that’s not okay. I thought I was doing the right thing. We’ve all made things worse by trying to do the right thing. I know you’re hurting, but I want to help you and I can’t do that if you keep pushing me away.” Dean sat up. Cas’s hand had moved to his arm. He could feel the warmth radiating off the angel.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I am. There’s nothing I can say or do to make this right. I just…I need you here. Something feels off when you’re not around. It’s like…I can’t breathe. It hurts more than anything else I’ve experienced. When you disappear for days or weeks and we don’t hear from you, I start to panic. I always think the worst. I can’t bare the thought of you not being here. I don’t care if you completely ignore me, but I need you here. I need to know that you’re safe.” Dean moved away from Cas. “You can go if you want. I understand if you don’t wanna be here.” Dean waited for the sound of flapping wings. Instead, he felt Cas’s hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Dean turned to look at the angel.

“But—.”

“I’m still mad at you, but I’m starting to realize, I don’t like being away from you. You drive me crazy, but…we’re family, right? And family’s supposed to drive you crazy.” Dean smiled in spite of himself.

“Yeah. And you gotta know that I’m gonna do everything I can to prove to you how sorry I am for everything. I promise.” There was a stretch of silence where they stared at each other. Unwavering eye contact that made Dean’s heart beat a little faster. What happened next was almost subconscious. He leaned closer to Cas and brushed their lips together. Cas gasped a little, but returned the kiss. It was soft and gentle. It said everything Dean had been keeping bottled up for the past ten years.

“Dean—.” He cut Cas off with a shake of his head.

“Let me…,” he cleared his throat, “I need to say this. I know I don’t deserve you. I know you said we were real, but that was before I screwed everything up. I’m not asking you for anything, but I need you to know that…I love you. I’m not saying that because I think it’ll fix anything. I know it doesn’t. I just need you to hear it. Just once.”

“I love you, too, Dean.” Cas touched his cheek. “We’re in a tough spot. That happens. We fight, we reconcile, and we move on.”

“You think we can get past this?”

“It’ll take time, but yes. There’s nothing that can keep us apart forever. We’re bound together.” Dean closed his eyes and leaned against Cas’s hand. He hadn’t slept properly in almost a month and he was exhausted. “Get some rest, Dean. We can talk more later.” Cas went to get up and Dean grabbed his trench coat.

“Wait. Stay with me? Please.” Cas smiled softly.

“Of course.” Dean curled up under the covers. Cas laid down next to him and Dean rested his head on the angel’s chest. He fell asleep to Cas running his fingers gently through his hair and whispering soft words in enochian.


End file.
